Being a foster parent can be more challenging in ways that you don’t even think of. But recently my teens showed me that I over think and make it harder than it needs to be at times. I always think am I going to make them feel uncomfortable if I call them my kid to others, or if I hug them, or tell them I love them. I don’t ever want them to feel like I’m replacing their family.

I was so worried about bringing up family photos and even our family matching pjs. I kept telling myself would it be pushing them too hard. I finally talked to our three teens we have and in unison they said with excitement yes, yes tell me all about this. One of our kids was even screaming saying that she was so excited that she has never been apart of a cheesy loving family to do things together. We began to talk about decorating for Christmas and all the traditions we want to do. This conversation was such a mixed emotion moment for me. The fact that they have never experienced this stuff before made me sad, but then the fact that they see a difference and feel love in my home and with my family filled me with such a happiness. In this conversation I began to think why was I stressing so much about this. All these kids want is to feel like a part of a family.

We have asked them, what has made you feel loved? Their responses blew us away. They love the family dinners, the time we take to get to know each of them separately. They also say the way we are just there for them and give them a safe place to talk and teach them to communicate in a positive and non violent way.

So it is Thanksgiving, we were able to spend the day yesterday as just our family. This was the best day ever, the way we enjoyed cooking and just being with each other. During dinner we had one of our kids write cards with thanksgiving questions. These kids were talking about serious lessons they learned, how they felt loved, and people that have encouraged them. As hard of a year these kids have had they are always able to find some happiness and positivity. After this one of our other kids wrote us all personal letters. This letter was sharing how Scott has been the only father figure in their lives, and thankful for him being there anytime of need. Mine was sharing thankfulness of teaching communication, and that its okay to make mistakes you just have to learn from them, and thankfulness for us loving them and showing them a loving family. Another thing that was in Scott’s letter was bringing them to church! This melt our hearts and truly put our hearts and mind in perspective.

This blog is to say you are capable of giving love. They don’t care about the money, or having things, what they most care about is time together. Don’t get me wrong they ask for gifts for Christmas (they are kids and they deserve it) but they care about the memories we make along the way more. And hopefully these memories is what they will remember for when they start having families.

When Scott and I first decided to foster, we had a lot of decisions that still needed to be made. Such as: gender, age range, how many, and location. Some of these decisions we were on the same page about, but not all of them. The reason we felt lead to foster was to help the ones who weren’t getting help they needed and weren’t getting adopted.
Scott felt from the beginning that we were called to have older kids, but I was terrified of that idea. The more I think about why, it was solely because all of our family and friends were against it. All I was hearing was that ” we would deal with a lot more drama” and ” you don’t want a child that is in high school in your home, when not too long ago you were in high school”. All they were trying to do was convince us that younger would be better. I fell right into this. I thought to myself that they had a great point about our ages, and I let it over take my husband and I’s decision. I didn’t believe that our God is mighty and wouldn’t give us anything we couldn’t handle.
So, we began the process, with our now son (who was 9 at the time) and his sister who was 11. These kids captured our hearts from the beginning. As the agency started to get over-flooded with kids, We began to take in emergency placements. We had age ranges from 5 to 16! We had a placement of three girls 5,6, and 9. Which were the ages my family was encouraging us to foster. This placement was the hardest placement for us. They were about to be placed with their adopted family, and Scott and I were planning to quit fostering for a while, but God had different plans.
God gave us a call for a 16 year old girl. We knew she was going to be a big piece of our lives. She moved in about a week later and she was showing us that she was grateful, caring, and loving. We began to love that age and our foster experience again. Two weeks after she moved in, we got siblings, a 13 year old boy and a 14 year old girl. Instead of looking at myself as a mom figure for them, (since I was so close to their age) I told myself my role was to mentor. Someone to help guide them with college, career decisions, budgets, and just how to treat people. As I started viewing myself as their mentor, I started noticing that they had started viewing me as a mom figure. They respected me, regardless of age, but because of the things I do for them, how I am there for them, and even how I challenge them.
So now, Scott and I are the parents of ages 1,10,13,14, and 17. We tell people this and when our families and friends see us, they seem to be waiting for horror stories, but this household we have is the best. Yes, we have situations that come up, but we handle them. Just like the situations we will have come up with Mikey ad Rory. So the idea of teens is scary sometimes, yes, but I truly believe that God will not give you anything you can’t handle. I am so glad that I started truly following God and trusting his true plan for our path instead of half way. These kids have truly changed my perspective on life and I love all of them as they are my own!

I remember seeing people going on mission trips overseas to help kids and thinking,  I wish I could do that one day. Are you in that spot now? Just wishing, if only, I could go over there and help those children. What if I told you there are kids in your community that need just as much love and attention? The only thing with the kids here is they don’t have mission trips or  the raised awareness. It is up to people in our community to raise awareness to help these kids and families. I want to take this time to explain a lot of various options and ways you can help the children and even adults in the mission field we have in America.

                The number of children in the foster system is growing rapidly, while the number of open foster homes is actually decreasing.  Some ways to help with this growing problem is; to provide support for foster families, collect items for foster children, love on case workers, open your home to these sweet children (if even just for the weekend), provide fun outings that they couldn’t normally do, or volunteer and get into the field.

                There are so many ways to volunteer, become a CASA worker (help advocate for the children in court, NO, you don’t have to be a lawyer for this), or even help with Tennessee Kids Belong and the “Belong Project.” This project is a video shoot for children to help them search for their forever family. They ask for clothing donations and they need people to help organize these events, along with the props for the shoots, and helping with set up and clean up. This is the best way for parents looking for children to get to see, relate, and fall in love with these children. To find out more about this you could go to tnkidsbelong.org and click get involved. Becoming a CASA worker is another way to volunteer. You just need some training classes to start. CASA workers are used for another layer of support and advocate for the children and even foster parents. We have a CASA worker on one of our cases and she has been the biggest help/ supporter. She has always truly showed the best interest for the kids and has driven hours to come see them on bad days. If you are retired or just see yourself having extra time think about signing up or just looking into being a CASA worker.

                Tennessee Baptist Children’s home is a wonderful organization in Brentwood, TN with locations in West and East Tennessee as well. This is a nonprofit Christian based foster organization. They have a location with six cottages on the property that houses anywhere from 4-10 kids. With being in homes, with so many other children they don’t get to go out and eat or enjoy a lot of fun activities. We have met some amazing kids that have never drive  go carts or played laser tag. Watching their reaction for the first time is amazing.  If you partner together with your life group you could take out a cottage of children for dinner and a fun outing without spending a ton . Doing this once or twice a year can really make a difference in these kids’ lives. Some of these kids live close to their families and are able to go home a lot where others might live hours away from family or might not have family to go home to. For the ones that can’t go home they ask families to open their homes to let kids get away and experience some family life and just get some one on one attention. Scott and I have been able to let six children come to visit us through this program and we have loved every second of it.

                Another fantastic way to help out its to love on and help out the social workers that help make everything happen.  It is such a reward to be involved in foster care and be able to love on these kids, but it can take a lot out of you physically and emotionally. Having such a strong support group is such an important thing. Foster care is so up and down there are times that you feel like you just need support/ prayers every single day. I just recently started talking to a woman and she has been my biggest encourager and it has made this journey so much smoother and less lonely. I also have a few of my friends that just call and check on us periodically to see how everything’s going, and how they can be thinking and praying for us.  My dad and God Mother have been there to help watch the kids when we need to go to meetings, classes, court dates, or just one kid needs both of our attention. So I ask can you be that person for one of the foster families. Do you have a night to offer babysitting assistance to make sure the foster parents are keeping themselves strong and close? Foster parents do a lot of hands on, but these children’s case workers and therapist do so much behind the scene stuff. They work long hours away from their families fully supporting these children. I know a lot of the case workers we have worked with feel worn out and in turn they don’t have the energy to do extra. These workers are doing so much for the kids like finding placement options, enrolling in school, setting up medication appointments, and running around Tennessee to see their children. These workers need letters of encouragement, food to give them energy and just shown love and to feel appreciated.

                There are always donations needed in foster care. I have talked to one of my friends who is a case worker in Wilson County and she has let me know that they are always needing food and little bags for older girls. When kids enter the system they can be stuck at the DCS office for hours while finding and setting up their placement. They need food to be able to feed these children. They also get teenage girls that might need bags of feminine products, shaving cream, maybe even nail polish, hair brush, things that makes them feel special. I know as a foster mom we try and make sure all of the kids in our home has luggage that they don’t have to carry their belongings in a garbage bag. This causes the kids to feel like they have something to take with them and we want to take every negative feeling away from them that we can, they are already going through so much.

                Of course the big way to help is to let these kiddos in your home. Yes, it is a lot of time and work but every one of these kids deserves a chance. Without good foster parents these children are more likely to head down some dark paths in life.  All of this because of something that happened to them when they were kids that they had no control over. If you don’t feel like you can bring kids in permanently what about for a weekend? One of the biggest needs is for respite homes. This is to allow the foster parents sometime to recharge and maybe to invest in their marriage. There is no much alone time while fostering, so, it is important to get away every now and again to make sure you are keeping your strength. Without respite homes this isn’t possible.

                I pray that if God is speaking to you about stepping out and helping in any of these things he will give you peace and courage and you will follow his path. I am always available for any questions and support.

                                                                                                                Love you all,

                                                                                                                                Kristina

                My husband (Scott) and I are in our mid-late twenties and have been married for three years. God has been showing us going on four years now what he wanted to do with our lives. Right after Scott and I got engaged we were trying to find somewhere we can serve together. I kept thinking of this organization Tennessee Baptist Children’s home (TBCH) it’s a foster organization that I knew my parents helped out with some when I was younger. I brought it up to Scott half serious and the other half doubting the capability we had to get involved with something as big as that. Scott then told me how he has been thinking about that type of organization as well. I then really started having so many questions and concerns. We just got engaged we are still young and we are not even financially stable. Both of us were working at a bank and living pay check to pay check. Honestly the random unexpected checks in the mail are what got us through. I went ahead and called to see what they needed and man was it a lot of options. It was Christmas time so they were asking for church groups/ life groups to take a cottage out and just spend time with them and make memories. We decided if anything we could try it once and see if we could do this.

                So we got a few of our friends together and took a cottage of girls to dinner then to look at the Christmas lights at Cheekwood. After that we really wanted to start doing more stuff like that. Honestly the more invested we were getting the more God was changing our hearts and even our financial situation. Scott ended up leaving the bank and took a leap in faith to do real-estate. We were already living paycheck to paycheck and then God was leading us to go on faith to drop Scott’s steady income. Talking about a big leap in faith, but God then again provided for us and started sending Scott customers and with that leap we have been able to get even more invested with the organization and even certain kids. I see it the same way people look at tithing where if you start being faithful with God’s money he will provide for you. That next year we were able to throw a minute to win it party and help the Junior and Senior girls pick out prom dresses and get their nails done before prom.

                Within that year Scott and I had our baby girl (Rory) after Rory was born we were still doing just as much with TBCH and started feeling lead to do more. We always knew and talked about hosting some of the kids and letting them stay with us. Well we found out about their visiting family program. This is where you can open your home to children during certain weekends mainly holidays or school breaks. This allows them to get away from what can be hectic environment for a couple of days and just relax. This is also a good opportunity to show them a stable family life. We started this program April of 2018 and after the kids we hosted they had such an impact on our lives and we started seeing how well Rory was with older kids, and even how well older kids were doing with Rory. We started wondering if this was yet again our next step.

                We then hosted this sweet little boy and he was in the process of looking for a forever family. After talking and really getting to know this boy we began to really believe that we were to adopt. This decision honestly really scared me at first. I always knew that we would adopt but I was thinking it would be once Rory was a little older. It ended up not working out for us to adopt the little boy, but God knew exactly what he was doing because praise the Lord that sweet boy is now home and reunited with his mom. The further into the process we were getting the more the demons were trying to fight against us. I kept thinking what am I doing I am only 26 years old and we are trying to adopt a 10-14 year old. I started thinking am I good enough; I had so much fear that entered my mind. We were being discouraged by friends and family. I finally heard God tell me to cast those demons away and trust in him. The words that Josh Baldwin says in his song stand in your love “my fear doesn’t stand a chance when I stand in your love” those lyrics have really held close to my heart. So we started finally standing fully in his love and started the process.

                 Once we finally figured out exactly what we needed to do the process went fairly quickly and before we knew it we were ready to start looking for our sweet kids. We finally got matched with a beautiful and sweet 11 year old girl and a crazy, fun, and sweet 9 year old boy. This was one of the biggest and hardest decisions we have ever made but I would have never done it differently. We met our kids seven months ago and we have had them with us for almost six months now. Those months have been filled with some rough times but also beautiful times. You have to always remember that the hard times are usually because they are feeling lost because they have never had a lot of structure and love that you are offering them. Once you get past that and see their wall come down a little bit and hear them talk about adoption with confidence that it will happen, or times you see their faces light up because they are doing something for the first time. All of those times make all the hard times so worth it.

                I write this in hopes to encourage the ones out there that might be fighting with demons of their own, or ones that feel they are too young, or can’t afford to take kids in. You do not have to take in kids there are many other opportunities. I will be posting another blog next couple days sharing opportunities there are to get involved.